Don’t Leave Me this Way

A wave of panic has hit me rather violently; my best friend is going away for 5 weeks. Excuse my unabashed wailing but what the fuck am I going to do?!
I’ve known this moment was creeping up since February when the trip was booked, but last night when she said it was ‘only four weeks’ away it suddenly seemed panic-inducingly real. 
Perhaps the worst thing about it is we’ve just moved round the corner from each other. The 5 minute walk between us has allowed for an even higher frequency of face time and maybe I shouldn’t have gotten quite so used to it when she’s about to swan off to South America.


Any girl with a BFF knows that life without each other (and by life I mean even a few days) is just not worth contemplating. Who will I call to gorge on that weeks juicy morsels of gossip? Who will chatter endlessly with me about the most inane subjects without ever getting bored? Who will I laugh about nothing with & whinge to when it’s just one of those days? Who? Who?
Don’t think for a moment I’m discrediting my husband, who will look after me & talk to me & make sure I’m not too lonely. Indeed the opportunity to spend lots of time just the two of us before baby makes three, will be a welcome side effect of my friend’s absence. However, I can hardly expect him to give up his social life because mines set sail & there are just some subject matters that a husband should not be privy to & others that, no matter how hard he tries, he just won’t understand.
Of course, there’s my other best friend, my sister. She can fully expect a little extra weight over those five weeks while I lean on her. My daily emails will most likely double in size & volume & my suggestions for family gatherings will no doubt become incessant. Lucky for her I do have some self awareness because otherwise I might seriously start to overstay my sisterly welcome; after all she does have a life of her own; one that mainly involves getting riotously drunk, which is a sadly sobering prospect when you’re seven months pregnant.
The timing of this sojourn is also probably partially to blame for my anxiety. Were I not so far up the duff, I could have spent the summer getting lazily tipsy in beer gardens, shopping until my credit card was content & hopping off wherever & whenever at a moment’s notice. As it stands I’m working my way through the life changes that pop up as my belly pops out. I’m doing ok at getting my head around it but chucking in a dash of BFF abandonment has maybe set me back a few steps in conquering the motherhood hill.
Obviously I’m also a bit jealous. Who wouldn’t be? Like I said I’m getting to grips with my new life while one of my nearest & dearest is getting to grips with cocktails at Rio carnival. She’s going to have an amazing time & yes, I hate her for it a little bit, I’m entitled to my friend envy thank you very much.
As I said I am looking forward to being able to monopolise my husband for a bit & hopefully getting to spend a few weekends with my sister. Yet, there will be a certain shaped hole in those five weeks. This is the trouble with the three most awesome people in my life. What happens when one of them isn’t there? My sister went away for two weeks & I was pining & this coming weekend, when my husband is off on a camping trip, is derailing me just a little bit. Each of them feeds my wellbeing in their own way so I’m left feeling full & sated. Without one of them my perfect emotional triangle becomes an unsupported right angle and well, that’s just all wrong.
I hope she goes away & has the most amazing time, does all the things she wants to & gets her own dose of wellbeing. Then I hope she comes back, tells me all about it & lets me get back to being one of the people she needs too because while she might be able to navigate her way across Brazil, I think she’d agree we’d be lost without each other.



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