Mums the Word

As is standard procedure when one finds out they are expecting a baby, I told my mother. My mother and I are not close and have a fraught relationship with long periods of not speaking. The last vow of silence lasted over a year, and though punctuated with occasional texts and the most strained of phone calls, it seemed we had both finally agreed our absence in each other’s lives was the best thing for everyone. Continue reading

Where is Emma and What Have You Done with Her?

Ok so I should probably address the somewhat extended absence from all things blog-like. My last post was six weeks ago because that was the last time I actually wrote anything. The reason for this being, not that my life has ground to a sudden and dull halt, but rather so much has happened I can’t quite process it in a way that would make sense on paper. I think (and I emphasise the ‘think’) that I might have finally shoved my way through the confusion and have some idea of how to form my thoughts into prose once more. Continue reading

You are what you eat?

‘I’m just a four waffle fatty!’ This was my sister’s response to the news she’s gained half a stone and has now split three pairs of very nice pants. She has always been one of those lucky cows who can eat like a Trojan and still maintain a ridiculously enviable figure. She is known for eating more than her fair share of potato waffles hence the self deprecating nick name. Fish fingers are another favourite.
In the last few months though, her eating habits have crept up on her, starting with the button pinging off a pair of tight fitting Topshop cigarette pants whilst still in a restaurant. This then led to her standing in front of me minutes from leaving the house to go out and me saying ‘you do know there’s a massive split up your arse’ to which she slapped her hand on the backside of a gorgeous pair of River Island leather trousers and wailed in mortified tones when she realised they were now destined for the size 6 scrap heap. Now a third pair of pants has bitten the dust and she has stepped on the scales and realised the waffle truth; she’s just like the rest of us! Continue reading

It’s better to have loved and lost…

I’m experiencing a tug of love, a sentimental internal battle where ultimately logic will prevail but in the short term, my heart strings have been pulled so hard it hurts. I’m selling my clothes on eBay. Ok, this may seem trivial and mundane but I assure you it’s a weighty issue. I love clothes, I love fashion, I love outfits and accessories; I love it all like a shopaholic loves her credit card.
I have been brutal. Not worn it for six months? Gone. Not really in fashion anymore? See ya. Highly unlikely to ever go anywhere I can wear it again? So long, farewell. Some items have been destined for the dumping pile for a while, and I’m actually rubbing my hands in glee that I even made 99p on them. But other things, within their patterns and fabric, hold memories, and a sense of possibility. Continue reading

Bitch Please

31Today I have sent my work colleague three non-work related emails. She sits right next to me, I could literally turn my head about 20 degrees and be facing her. We talk constantly about pretty much everything so what reason is there to waste my time typing when what I have to say could easily go forth from my desk to hers? Put simply, it’s because I’m having a damn good bitch about someone that sits about a metre away and rather than scream, quite manically, in their face, I choose to send my friend carefully sourced images and notes depicting just how irritated I am at that given moment. Continue reading